


Butterflies

by yuwinko



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anxiety Attacks, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Minor Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Seo Youngho | Johnny, Secret Crush, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 05:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18329453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuwinko/pseuds/yuwinko
Summary: Jungwoo knows he’s gay but really awkward and shy about it. His university roommate however, is pansexual and confident and loud about it; everything Jungwoo isn’t.Jungwoo’s roommate also happens to be the annoyingly hot and popular Kim Doyoung.





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> and they were roommates!?
> 
> oh look i can write other ships than yuwin but i can't leave yuwin out

Jungwoo woke up to the sound of someone typing in the code to his and Doyoung’s shared dorm. The lock beeped and he saw the automatic light turn on by the door. The light annoyed Jungwoo, who was still half asleep. He turned on his side so he was facing the wall, away from the light, and he lifted the blanket above his head, in hope of blocking out Doyoung’s noises. This was the third night in a row that Doyoung entered the dorm after Jungwoo had gone to bed, and every night Jungwoo woke up to the same sounds.

 

It’s not like Jungwoo hated living with Doyoung, in some ways they were very similar. They liked to keep the dorm clean, rarely had friends over and both took their studies relatively seriously. Their dorm was small, one room with a small bathroom to the side, beds along both walls and desks at the end of each bed. A small kitchen was in one corner of the dorm, but it was rarely used. But while Jungwoo was shy and quiet, Doyoung was social and loud. It didn’t exactly annoy Jungwoo, but most of the time he just wished he would get to sleep without being woken up by Doyoung stumbling into the dorm half drunk.

 

“Sorry,” Doyoung mumbled into the silence as he rummaged through the drawer under his bed, probably looking for clean clothes to sleep in. Jungwoo only grunted in response, hoping Doyoung would understand it as  _ just shut up and go to bed _ . Doyoung however, didn’t understand it as that.

“It was crazy tonight, you should come with us to the club some time,” Doyoung said into the darkness, and Jungwoo sighed, knowing he would have to stay awake until Doyoung went to bed.

“Yeah, no thanks,” Jungwoo said quietly, still not turning around to look at Doyoung. Doyoung whined in response and climbed into Jungwoo’s bed. “Don’t you have your own bed?” Jungwoo complained, while shuffling to give Doyoung some space.

“Yeah, but I like cuddles when I’m drunk,” Doyoung said, and threw an arm over Jungwoo’s side. “And why not? I know you could use some new friends. Besides, my friends are amazing.” Doyoung continued, his other hand coming up to stroke Jungwoo’s hair.

“I don’t think they would want me there,” Jungwoo said, turning his head, so Doyoung could reach him better. 

“Mmm, but I want you there,” Doyoung said, and Jungwoo could smell the alcohol off Doyoung, and he knew he would soon get a headache.

“Just sleep, Doyoung,” he said and closed his eyes, hoping Doyoung would take the hint and sleep too. He seemed to do so, because the next time Jungwoo woke up, he was alone in his bed, and the dorm was quiet and empty.

 

The problem was this: Jungwoo wanted to be Doyoung’s friend, or rather, much more than friends, but he didn’t know how. Doyoung was just so much more than Jungwoo could ever be. From the get go, Doyoung had been charming and open, telling Jungwoo about him being pansexual and hoping it wouldn't be a problem for them while living together. Of course it wasn’t, Jungwoo had managed to tell Doyoung that he was gay and it felt good to live with someone who wouldn’t judge him. But when Doyoung went out to clubs and bars with his friends on the weekends, Jungwoo stayed home watching a new netflix show or reading a book, occasionally having a sleepover with his friends Jaehyun and Taeyong.

 

Jungwoo had tried going out, but he always felt like the odd one out, even if he went with Jaehyun and Taeyong, who usually helped him to stay calm and avoid getting too anxious. He had even tried attending LGBT youth nights at a bar close to campus, but as soon as he saw the bar he felt his heartbeat getting faster and ringing in his ears and all he could think about was going back home. Jungwoo was the odd one out, and he had learned to live like that. Staying home, instead of forcing himself out to places where his anxiety got the best of him. His friends knew this, but Doyoung didn’t. Doyoung was just his roommate, after all.

 

“We’re going to this cool club in Hongdae on Friday, you should come with us,” Doyoung said one day as he got home from class. Jungwoo was in the middle of writing an essay for his literature class, but nevertheless turned around in his chair to look at Doyoung.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he sighed, looking down at his hands in his lap, as Doyoung went to the small fridge to grab a water bottle. He felt his heartbeat pick up its pace and he tried to take deep breaths.

“I’ll take care of you, you can even bring your friends! What’s his name? Taeyong? Don’t you usually hang out with him?” Doyoung asked, sitting down on his bed. Jungwoo sighed, and knew this battle was lost. He hated arguing, and didn't want to upset Doyoung by being the so called party pooper he usually was.

“Yeah… I can ask Taeyong or Jaehyun to come with us,” Jungwoo said and Doyoung smiled. “Are your friends coming?” 

“Just Johnny and Yuta, but I think Yuta’s new hookup is joining us too, although I don’t think that boy is just a hookup,” Doyoung explained wiggling his eyebrows, and Jungwoo giggled. Doyoung shared stories about his friend group to Jungwoo, and Jungwoo knew a lot more than he probably should about them.

 

Just like that it was settled, and that’s how Jungwoo found himself outside a club in Hongdae on the following Friday night, Jaehyun by his side, as Taeyong had said he needed to visit his parents that weekend. 

“You look really nervous,” Jaehyun said after a while, as they were still waiting for Doyoung and his friends. “It will be okay, just let me know and we can leave early, okay?” Jaehyun said and put a comforting hand on Jungwoo’s arm. Jungwoo nodded, too nervous to talk. Not much later they heard loud voices down the street, and in a few seconds Doyoung and his friends joined Jaehyun and Jungwoo where they were standing outside the entrance. After quick introductions between Jaehyun and Doyoung’s friends Johnny and Yuta (and Yuta’s “friend” Sicheng), they entered the club. Jungwoo kept close to Jaehyun, who chatted with Doyoung and Johnny about the club and how good the music was. 

 

Once inside, they found a table where they all could sit down, and Doyoung announced he was gonna go get drinks.

“Do you want anything?” Jaehyun asked, as he got up to follow Doyoung to the bar. Jungwoo shook his head and watched as Jaehyun followed Doyoung and Johnny to the bar across the dance floor. The club wasn’t very crowded yet, as they had arrived quite early. As they waited for the others to return, Yuta asked Jungwoo a few questions, and Jungwoo felt a bit more at ease as he talked with Yuta about his classes. Sicheng seemed quite shy, but he still added a few comments to their conversation. After a while Jaehyun slid down on the bench next to Jungwoo with a drink in hand. Johnny sat down next to Jaehyun, and Doyoung soon followed suit, handing Yuta a drink.

 

They talked for a while, Jungwoo felt himself fall back a bit, not really paying attention to the conversation, he laughed along, but never really heard the jokes over the loud music and his heartbeat ringing in his ears. After their glasses were emptied and their conversation quieted down a bit, Sicheng and Yuta left for the dance floor, while Doyoung and Johnny got up to follow them.

“Hey you good? Wanna go dance?” Jaehyun leaned closer to Jungwoo, and gave him a reassuring smile. Jungwoo nodded, even if he didn’t like dancing much. Once on the dance floor, Jaehyun easily found Johnny and Doyoung, but Yuta and Sicheng were already lost in the crowd. The club had filled up with more people, and the air was getting stuffy from all the sweaty bodies dancing.

 

Jungwoo noticed Johnny and Jaehyun getting closer and closer by the second, and decided to back off a bit, and let his friend flirt in peace. Doyoung seemed to have found a stranger to dance with, and suddenly Jungwoo was aware of how out of place he felt. He felt his body go stiff, and it felt like he was going to drown in the sea of bodies. He turned to look at Jaehyun, only to find Jaehyun grinding quite sexually on Johnny. Not wanting to destroy this for Jaehyun (who had complained to him and Taeyong about not getting laid a week earlier), Jungwoo looked for the exit. After pushing and stumbling, he finally found his way out of the crowd, and still feeling like he couldn’t breathe properly he decided to head outside. He beelined for the exit and once the cool air outside hit his face he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes.

 

Jungwoo quickly made his way towards the bus stop, knowing there was no way he would be able to enter the club again, and the best option was to just leave and go home. As he sat down on the bench at the stop he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out to find a text from Jaehyun.

 

**Jaehyun**

_ where u at?  _

 

**Jungwoo**

_ heading home, don’t worry, just tired _

 

**Jaehyun**

_ ok <3 let me know when you’re home _

 

Jungwoo sighed and locked his phone. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the glass of the bus stop. His heartbeat was ringing loudly in his ears and tears wouldn’t stop running down his cheeks. He felt stupid for letting his anxiety take control over the situation. Not much later the bus arrived, and as soon as Jungwoo got home he got changed and climbed into bed, not bothering to wash his face or brush his teeth. Once under the comfort of his blanket he let everything go, and he cried his heart out.

 

Suddenly his phone beeped and Jungwoo took a deep breath, reaching for the phone on his desk. There were five new messages, one from Jaehyun asking if he was home, to which Jungwoo quickly replied  _ yeah _ . The other messages were from Doyoung, and Jungwoo furrowed his brows as he opened his and Doyoung’s chat.

 

**Doyoung**

_ where did you go? _

_ hey i can’t find you are you okay? _

_ jaehyun just told me you went home _

_ i’ll come home now, don’t sleep yet _

 

Jungwoo didn’t bother answering, as he saw the last message was sent fifteen minutes ago, meaning Doyoung was probably at the dorm soon. He laughed dryly,  _ don’t sleep yet _ , he never slept until Doyoung was home, if he did Doyoung would always wake him up when he came back.

 

Jungwoo must have dozed off for a while, because the next thing he recalled was the lock beeping and the door opening, not much later he saw Doyoung entering the room. 

“You should have told me you wanted to go home, we could have gone together,” Doyoung said throwing his jacket on his bed and turning to look at Jungwoo. “I hope you- Wait have you been crying?” Doyoung said, as he turned to look at Jungwoo. Jungwoo felt his chest become even heavier than before and he felt useless and dumb. All he could do was curl into himself, pulling the blanket over himself.

“Jungwoo hey, what’s wrong?” Doyoung said worriedly, sitting down on Jungwoo’s bed. He placed a hand on Jungwoo’s shoulder and gently stroked it. “Hey it’s okay, shh,” Doyoung tried, but Jungwoo just shook his head, unable to speak.

“Try to take some deep breaths, like this, yeah?” Doyoung said, taking a few deep breaths, and Jungwoo tried, he really did, but all that came out where a few short wheezing breaths. Jungwoo didn’t register Doyoung moving, but suddenly he felt himself being wrapped in Doyoung’s arms. Doyoung breathed in steady motions, waiting for Jungwoo to match his breathing.

 

Jungwoo didn’t know how long he lied in Doyoung’s arms, but after a while his breathing was calm and the tears had stopped. With swollen eyes he turned around to look at Doyoung.

“I’m sorry,” Jungwoo said, with a hoarse voice. He felt tired and really just wanted to sleep, but he felt sorry for Doyoung, whose arm was probably numb at this point. Doyoung only shook his head at Jungwoo.

“I should be the one apologising,” he said while pouting a little bit. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to come.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s me who’s stupid and can’t handle large crowds,” Jungwoo protested, and Doyoung looked even more sorry. “It’s not like this is the first time this has happened.”

“You should have told me, I would have tried to take better care of you,” Doyoung said, still with a pout on his lips.

“It shouldn’t be your job to take care of me, besides Jaehyun was with me for that reason, but… I didn’t want to ruin his night, he was clearly into Johnny,” Jungwoo chuckled a little, wondering how Jaehyun’s night had gone.

“I still want you to feel comfortable,” Doyoung said, stroking Jungwoo’s hair out of his eyes. “Let’s sleep now, yeah?” Doyoung asked, and Jungwoo nodded, remembering how tired he really felt. He still had a dull headache from crying, but somehow everything felt a bit better in Doyoung’s arms.

 

When Jungwoo woke up, the first thing he realised was that he wasn’t alone in his bed, with memories of the previous night slowly coming back he realised Doyoung was still sleeping next to him. Usually when Doyoung slept in Jungwoo’s bed he would wake up alone, and never deal with the awkwardness of waking up in the same bed. He didn’t want to wake up Doyoung, so he slowly tried to get up without disturbing Doyoung too much. He quickly got dressed and and grabbed his bag from his desk and headed out. With Taeyong out of town and Jaehyun probably still busy, he decided to head to the library.

 

Avoiding Doyoung turned out to be harder than expected. Doyoung, who usually spent nights out of the dorm, suddenly decided to study or watch Netflix every night in the dorms. Jungwoo managed to avoid Doyoung for a whole three days, by sleeping at Taeyong’s place (who had finally gotten home) and staying up late at the library to study. Jungwoo hated confrontation, and instead of talking to Doyoung like he knew he had to do at some point, avoiding him seemed like the only option for now.

 

“You should just talk to him, he seemed nice about it,” Taeyong said, after the episode of Queer Eye had ended, and Jungwoo sighed. He had told Taeyong the whole story, and as usual he was very supportive, and for the most part right about everything.

“I know, but every time I see him I get too nervous to say anything,” Jungwoo complained, and Taeyong gave him a very pointed look.

“You’ve always been nervous around him,” Taeyong shrugged, and took pressed play on the next episode. As always, Taeyong was right, and Jungwoo knew he couldn't avoid Doyoung forever.

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Jungwoo said, and Taeyong gave him a supportive hug, before turning his attention back to the TV.

 

Talking to Doyoung would have to happen after Jungwoo’s classes, and when his last class ended, he dreaded going home. He didn’t take his usual shortcuts and walked slower than he normally would. On his way he tried to think of what to say to Doyoung, but everything sounded stupid. Lost in his thoughts he lost track of time and found himself s in front of their dorm, having walked there on what seemed like autopilot. He took a deep breath and entered.

 

Doyoung was sitting by his desk when Jungwoo came in, only sparing him a quick glance.

“Hey,” Jungwoo said, trying to get Doyoung’s attention, but he only got a small hum in reply. “We should… talk? I’m sorry for what happened on Friday night,” Jungwoo explained, and Doyoung turned around in his chair and looked at Jungwoo.

“I already told you that you shouldn't apologise for that. What you can apologise for is ignoring me for the past few days,” Doyoung said, and Jungwoo opened his mouth to apologise again but Doyoung beat him to it. “I understand you didn’t want to share about your anxiety with me from the get go, but Jungwoo we’re friends and I care about you. You don’t have to hide from me when I want to help you, and I won’t judge you, but I was really worried, especially when you didn’t reply to my texts either.” Jungwoo felt tears prick the corners of his eyes, a few even falling down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you, I never wanted to do that,” Jungwoo tried, but Doyoung only shook his head.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” Doyoung said, but much gentler this time, obviously trying to be nice to Jungwoo, but Jungwoo felt even worse after hearing Doyoung’s tone.

“It’s not that easy,” he complained, wiping his tears away with the sleeves of his sweater. 

“Why not? It really is,” Doyoung said once again in that gentle tone that made Jungwoo feel bad. Doyoung didn’t need to baby him.

“Well it’s not! Not when I like you and don’t want to think I’m a fucking loser,” Jungwoo said, sounding angrier that he intended.

 

Neither Jungwoo or Doyoung said anything after that, Doyoung just looked shocked and stared at Jungwoo, who got tired of his sleeves getting wet so he got up to get some tissues.

“You what?” Doyoung asked, when Jungwoo got back. “You… like me? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?” Doyoung went off after the realisation hit him.

“You know very well why I didn’t tell you. You’re you and I’m just me,” Jungwoo said, shrugging. “Now you can forget about this and I’ll go live with Taeyong again I guess.” Jungwoo said and got up to grab his bag that had dropped to the floor. Before he reached it however, Doyoung’s hand stopped his.

“Why would I forget about it when I like you too?” Doyoung said, taking Jungwoo’s hand in his. Now it was Jungwoo’s turn to be shocked. He was unable to move his mouth so he just stood there gaping at Doyoung who giggled at his reaction. “Why don’t we go on a few dates and see where it leads us?” Doyoung smiled at Jungwoo, and suddenly butterflies were flying around in his stomach.

 

Dating Doyoung turned out to be much different to what Jungwoo had imagined it to be (and he had thought about it a lot). They fell into their new dynamic pretty easily, mostly being as usual in the dorm, but with a few extra cuddles here and there. Their dates mostly consisted of coffee shop dates or quick meetings on campus.

“Hey, look at this,” Jungwoo said one evening, while they were both studying in the dorm. Jungwoo handed Doyoung his phone and Doyoung scrolled a bit. Jungwoo had stumbled upon an ad for a museum exhibition with different cartoon characters and styles.

“Looks nice, should we go?” Doyoung asked, handing Jungwoo his phone back. “I finish early on Thursday, what about you?”

“I finish at 2pm I think, if you wait for me we can go directly afterwards?” Jungwoo suggested, and Doyoung agreed.

 

Once Thursday arrived and they met after Jungwoo’s class, they took the metro across town to the museum. It wasn’t a long ride, and they talked about what they had been up to. The exhibition itself was nice too, and Jungwoo hoped Doyoung had enjoyed it as much as he had. After the exhibition they bought ice cream from a shop up front and enjoyed the last rays of sun on that day. 

 

Once they got back to the metro Jungwoo realised it was rush hour, and the metro was packed. He felt himself getting a bit nervous, as he usually avoided the metro during rush hour, but before he could spiral deeper into panic Doyoung took his hand and squeezed it.

“Just stay close to me,” Doyoung said as they stepped onto the almost full train. Jungwoo shifted his focus to Doyoung and their entwined hands. The train ride wasn’t long, and Jungwoo tried to keep his focus on Doyoung despite all the noise of the other passengers. He focused on Doyoung’s hand in his, and him Doyoung held him close. He put his head on Doyoung’s shoulder, and closed his eyes. Before he knew it Doyoung nudged him, helping Jungwoo find his way out of the train. Doyoung didn’t let go of Jungwoo’s hand as they walked  from the stop back to their dorm, and Jungwoo felt his heart swell in his chest.

“Thank you,” he said once they entered the dorm and Doyoung let go of Jungwoo’s hand to untie his shoes.

“Don’t mention it, I like holding your hand,” Doyoung said, walking into the room and falling down on his bed with a groan. “We walked so much today, my feet are most likely going to hurt tomorrow too.” Doyoung complained and Jungwoo giggled. Doyoung patted the spot next to him, and Jungwoo lied down next to him.

“I like holding your hand, too,” Jungwoo said, and reached out to take Doyoung’s hand into his.  Their hands entwined almost naturally, and Jungwoo felt content lying there, next to Doyoung.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Doyoung asked after a while, breaking the comfortable silence they had.

“You don’t have to ask,” Jungwoo said, turning to look at Doyoung with blushing cheeks. Doyoung shifted so he could lean over, and placed one hand on his cheek. Doyoung leaned in and Jungwoo felt himself smile like a fool into the kiss, but then again he was too happy to do otherwise. The kiss was short and innocent, and once it broke Doyoung looked him in the eyes.

“We’re boyfriends now, right?” he asked, and Jungwoo smiled and whispered  _ yes _ , and Doyoung kissed him again. Butterflies flew around in his stomach, but he didn’t mind, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here with Doyoung anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated <3


End file.
